Everyone desires a healthy and lasting relationship which is possible only if we know those things that should be avoided in our relationships. I might not be a relationship expert but I have made several observations, learnt from the experiences of others over the years plus some personal experiences. The following had ended, is ending and would still end some relationships if they are not checked and avoided.
1) Continuous complaint and never complementing: Complaints are usually a turn-off in every relationship. When the man or woman complains of everything the other party does, like how they lack a good dress sense, how a part of their body seem out of place, etc. Instead of complaining incessantly, do it wisely and make it something you both could laugh about. Also, everyone wants to be appreciated and that is why some crave compliments. When this is lacking in a relationship, the affected party would in some cases sought for it somewhere else so it would be wise to always make it a habit to compliment your partner at all times. It could be their hair, dressing, speech, anything just to make them feel good about themselves.
2)Lack of good sense of humour cum a boring personality: As insignificant as this seems, it has wreaked a good number of relationships. We all love that person that gets us laughing as it tends to make us feel relaxed. When humour is lacking in a relationship, it gives either of the party a reason to complain of boredom and this leads to the partners spending less time together as some would prefer hanging out with that their friend(s) they presume to be funny and lively. Come to think of it, why do you think even the most ugly comedian still have beautiful women flocking around them? One word- Humour.
3) Absence of shared interests: When both parties have nothing in common, I wonder what they would be discussing while sitting or spending time together. As two separate beings, its OK to have several interests, goals, ambitions that don't match but there still have to be a few which should bring the two of you together or give you something new to talk about always. Most relationship experts would always advise that you go into a relationship with someone whom you share the same interests with. Pretending to like what the other person likes would only keep the relationship for a while after which one party gets bored or tired of living someone else' life. This had been known to be one of the commonest relationship deal breaker.
4)Jealousy and trust issues: When you don't trust your partner I wonder why you are in the relationship at the first place. These two (jealousy and lack of trust) had crushed several relationships than the combined action of a household mortar and blender on tomatoes. Both of them work hand-in-hand by acting simultaneously or one after the other. Jealously leads to one or either of the party trying to place restrictions and in doing so, the other party feels caged and would want to regain their 'freedom' at the expense of the relationship. Lack of trust on the other hand turns one or the two party involved into 'detectives' or 'investigators' and when the other gets 'busted' probably with just a casual friend or a harmless text, the relationship has been compromised. Even if that incident doesn't end it, time will.
5) Lack of communication: When this is lacking in a relationship, I wonder why it is called a relationship in the first place. The aforementioned points and several others leads to this one. When the complaints becomes continuous, the affected party sees no reason to talk as he/she doesn't know if it would lead to more complaints. Everyone would prefer to hang out with that lively person than waste time talking with that boring person. Thirdly, when there are no shared interests, I wonder what is there to communicate about. Also, when one party feels they are being suspected, they have no other option but to stay on their own. When communication is no longer enjoyed between the couple, it leads to them drifting apart and after a while, the next conversation might begin with 'I want out'.
6)Lies, Lies and more lies: Some of these lies are told before dating commences or while in the relationship for example: The lady has a kid which she referred to as her little nephew or niece, The man works in a bank and claims to be COO of a multi-national company etc. It could even be those referred to as 'small lies' like: My father owns this or that, I have never had sex before etc. The truth is humans differ and so is their ability to tolerate lies and when these lies come to light, that could be it. A good number of people believes that since he/she lied at first, they would continue to lie and so there is no need to continue the relationship.
7) When the 'Fire' is not felt like before: The first 3months or so of a relationship brings with it lots of enjoyment, fun and interesting stuffs as the man treats the lady with utmost care, open doors for her, cooks for her, gives her those romantic piggy-back rides, gets creative with love notes upon love notes. The lady on the other hand tries to make her man feel at home, serves him breakfast in bed, helps him with his tie in the morning etc. Later on, about a Year or 2 into the relationship, 6 months for some, one party or both starts dropping some of these things as they get busy with life and this makes the other feel less loved because he/she isn't getting those treats anymore. The grudge accumulates and then there could be series of quarrels and complaints that could lead to termination of the relationship.
8) Third party influence: This is what I refer to as the 'extra hand in the relationship'. Your man or woman gets you angry, you ask the third party how best to deal with him/her. You talk to the third party about every single occurrence in the relationship- what your man does or doesn't , what turns your girl on and what doesn't, how he/she is perceived at home or office, the extent of his wealth or materialism etc. Most people involve the third party just to get advice as some would say or to show how blissful the relationship is. These reasons might be okay but could wreck relationships as well and this is dependent on the person you are talking to. The third party could want your man for herself after knowing how rich he is, they could provide you with tonnes of advice which when implemented could end the relationship, they could also want to see for themselves how 'skillful' your partner is. When the 'extra hand' has gotten every single information about your relationship, it becomes vulnerable as they have the power of continuity and termination of that relationship.
9)Greed and selfishness: When the man/woman starts to think that they've seen a too much of this channel and wants to see what the line-up of programmes is like on another channel, when the lady begins to have new needs which she feels must be met irrespective of whether the man's pocket can carry or not. When the door of the relationship is opened to greed, it comes in without even acknowledging the occupants, stimulates unnecessary quarrels, slight irritation, negative perceptions which climaxes to the relationship being laid to rest.
10) The Ex influence: The last relationship is over but not done with, there is still some reserved feelings for or by the Ex, you are always comparing the present with the past, etc. Some Ex's exercise strong influence in the relationship as they could be one of the partner's boss at work and this could introduce 'stress' which could end the relationship. Also the Ex could decide that they want to 'eat their cake and have it' and if there are some reserved feelings, the relationship is as good as terminated. This influence puts the relationship in jeopardy, stresses it, quench the fire and then gradually leads to the relationship's death.
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Wednesday, April 24, 2013
The world as they say is a global village. With a push of a button, you could reach Europe from Africa, buy goods as a Nigerian from far away China and even get to know what is happening around the world from your livi...ng room. Letter writing, Post Offices are gradually phasing out in this age which some refer to as the 'Information age' as everything seem to have gone online that is why it is now common to hear words like E-mails, E-commerce, E-networking, E-conferencing, E-marketing etc.
Information technology(IT) being an integral part of life today have applications in Medicine, Engineering, Agriculture, Communication, Marketing etc which is why its importance in Education cannot be overemphasized. As a student in a Tertiary institution, a large percentage of my graduate work would not be accomplished without IT. My school fees for example from first year down to final year was paid online, hostel allocation was done online while I went to the Student Affairs department with the printout which was scrutinised and confirmed before I could check into the hostel. My course registration was done online as every student has their own page on the Students' portal. I was able to do research for my seminars and carry out some assignment right from the comfort of my hostel room due to Google-powered Wifi which the school's administration made available to every student in a bid to enhance learning. My seminars were presented with the aid of a Projector and Power-point slides in order to drive home some of the points made. When I was Editor-In-chief of my departmental magazine, I was able to conduct an interview session with ease via the internet with one of the lecturer who was away in far away United Kingdom owing to Information Technology. Also, I was able to start my blog where I talk about some issues in the Nigerian society and which helped in boosting my writing skills.
Apart from the very positive impacts of Information Technology, there are some other negative impacts. I could remember going to the toilet on a particular night, upon getting to the Tee end (a word which students of UNN use for the toilet end), I met a fellow classmate confidently browsing and downloading porn. When I spoke to a friend about that, his reply was 'It is normal, that guy's nickname is Porn Hub and he is a major supplier of any type of porn'. Also, some of us spends more time 'wasting' on social networks, downloading and watching movies leaving little time for our assignments as it is common to find some students still in chapter two of a four chapter assignment on the fortnight of submission. Due to the advent of Information Technology, there seem to be limited usage of the library by students as 'Copy and Paste' becomes the order of the day leaving little room for research.
I am indeed happy to be a part of this 'privileged generation' as some of our lecturers would call us because as they would say, they had to travel long distances just to get internet access which I get from the comfort of my hostel room. They had to browse through thousands of catalogues in the library, sometimes travelling to other states in search of some materials but the combination of various search engines and scientific databases gave me the same materials in a matter of minutes.
Although there are some negative impacts, Information Technology made my higher education experience enjoyable and a little less stressful.
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