MR RIGHT & MR RIGHT-NOW

This might look like a play on words but am telling you, its one reality many ignore or fail to understand. Some ladies go to the extent of mistaking Mr Right-now for Mr right which leads to premature termination o...f the relationship. Now the question remains: How do we distinguish between Mr Right and Mr Right-now?

Mr Right
-He is committed to and invests into the relationship. Investment here covers incessant love and care, kind and hearty words, gifts etc
-He places priority on the relationship, makes it his business and tries to make it better at every given time.
- He is not afraid of meeting your parents, siblings or friends because he believes he is in the relationship for good.
-He keeps/hides nothing away from his woman as long as it is that which she is supposed to know.
-You could date him for months without him bothered about the colour of your undies.[But this has to be watched properly because some guys have the 'sex friend' while you bear the name -main girl]
-His behaviour/ attitude towards you remains the same whether you are present or absent.
-He is comfortable with watching wedding pictures and clips with you and wouldn't shy away from discussions about long-lasting relationships.
-His speech, actions and everything about you spells -I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.

Mr Right-Now
-He complains of virtually everything you do and would pretend to like a few. (Probably that guy is just passing time)
-You don't even know any of his friends let alone his family members and each time you get the opportunity to, he comes up with one excuse or the other.
-One week into the relationship and he is asking for a 'prove' of love. You know what am talking about.
OR After the first date, he is talking about cuddling.
-His phone is a No-go area, he appears to be secretive and you must not show up at his place without being invited. Babe, una fit reach 5 wey him get.
-You can never get him to watch those And-they-lived-happily-ever-after kind of movies with you OR even scan through wedding pictures together.
-He is setting p with every girl he meets on BBM, twitter or facebook and if confronted, he would tell you that they are just friends.

I could go on and on but let me save the others for your observation(s) because better seen and witnessed is better than being told. This doesn't mean that you should become a detective because if he notices, he would assume the role of the 'Smooth operator'.

Twitter: @viktorikeji

8 REASONS WHY MEN CHEAT [According to women]

After getting a lot of 'nothing really' and 'I just felt like' from a good number of men on the question -why do men cheat? I decided to find out from the female folks why they think most men cheat. Some of their reasons might seem untrue or out of place but the following are the reasons why men cheat as told by women.

1)The Feminine forgiving spirit: A lot of women think that their ability to accept a cheating man back after listening to his 'I-am-sorry-sermon' is the main reason why men would continue to cheat on them. According to Marilyn: "A man knows that he can get away with it (cheating) as long as he knows that he would be forgiven if he begs afterwards".


2) Guys likes varieties: A lot of women agreed that men would always cheat because they prefer many to one. What this implies is that men just want to have many women around them and end up.. You know what I mean. A lady says: "They want one who could cook very well, another just because she is beautiful and the go-to girl when there is an occasion and a third to warm his bed". Varieties?! hmmm...

3)Just for fun: Women believe that some men cheat just because they want to or because it is fun to them. They have a girlfriend/wife yet they just want some little adventure atleast to boost their ego amongst their friends. A lady narrated how she ended up on a man's bed after a party only to find out that a bet was placed on her head.

4) They believe women sees it as their lifestyle: Some women argued that the reason a man would cheat on his girlfriend/wife is because the female folks sees it as their mode of life, some would say' it's their nature, men would always cheat.' A good number of the female folks think it's something that had become a part of them and can only be stopped by spiritual intervention.

5) Greed: According to the 'Eves', men just want to have the next woman they meet in the bar, that supposed sexy friend of his girlfriend/wife, the lady he buys recharge cards from, his boss' daughter to themselves.

6) When they are not getting what they need from the relationship: Some ladies opines that when a man is not shown enough love and care in the relationship, he seeks it somewhere else and the other woman's bedroom in this case is not far. They spoke further that if a man prefers a 'Wild cat' during the act and all he gets is this 'gentle dove', he is forced to go in search of his preference.

7) Influence from friends: "Show me his friends and I'd tell you who your man is" Ada said when talking about how some men are influenced by their friends. She went further to state that "A man who has 2 to 3 cheating close friends who'd always explain how good it feels 'tapping' simultaneously from two unsuspecting females is forced to try it out someday"

8)Heartbreak(s) from previous relationships: During the survey, this constituted over 45% of the replies I got as a good number of women believes that a man who has suffered heartbreak(s) from his past relationship sees no other reason to be faithful. Feeling hurt and rejected, he would prefer to keep many not minding whether history repeat itself or not.

Twitter: @victorikeji

A LETTER TO THAT BROTHER WHO DOESNT KNOW HOW TO LEAVE THAT RELATIONSHIP

Dear Friend,

I was working in my ‘mind’s lab’, thinking seriously of how to get you out of that relationship that had caused you stress for so long. In your words: “SHE DOESN’T REALLY LOVE OR CARE ABOUT ME, SHE IS JUST PRETENDING. I AM TIRED OF THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP.” A lot of men out there share your plight. I am not a relationship expert like I always say but I am human and I make observations and ask a whole lot of questions. I spoke with Nicole, a good friend and my confidante about a similar issue and she offered some advice. I just hope that what I am about to tell you would be very helpful.

It is hard to break up, but truly I look back and see every point where I SHOULD have broken up, but did not. Often because despite of how I felt I was being stressed and upset, despite constantly trying to deal with them, I always felt that they'd change, be different, and I was holding on to small bits of 'good' - and sometimes just didn't want to seem to be the one giving up. It is difficult to have an image of someone when you first start dating them, then they start to act messed up, and you are running around constantly putting out the fires, managing the conflicts, and it just makes you stressed. It becomes a habit. I found out that some people take advantage of those who are always trying to make things right, always questioning themselves about what they did wrong, what they can do right. If she cares enough, she will manage herself without you having to put out energy to do so. Later on, you will realize that you gave too much energy to someone who wasn’t worth the effort. Most annoying is years later when you can look back and see how you got so upset and stressed over someone who ultimately became nothing to you.

Some people know that no matter what they do, you will run trying to please them, fix the problems they cause, apologize for what you did wrong - but they don't run after you, don't fix problems they cause, don't even consider helping you, and expect your behavior to remain the same. With your girlfriend, consider if she'd tolerate from you what you tolerate from her. If what bothers you with regard to her were what you directed to her, would she respond as you did? It is difficult to see things in a whole new light especially when you have so many feelings, but you often know when something is troubling you about a situation. Sometimes people take advantage of your inability to take action to take care of yourself. That said, women have their ways. They will act offensive, do things to you, then weep and expect a man to forgive them, excuse them, then they walk away smiling feeling they have just fooled you. Some young women are convinced they are wonderful and all the men will beg them. And men often do. They can act like spoiled children, and men think 'this is how women are' and men are often very easily convinced that they aren't 'doing enough' to please her. But why must you struggle to please someone like that?

Another part of your letter that struck me was where you said: “THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS STRESSFUL TO ME, I FEEL STRESSED THINKING WHERE I HAVE GONE WRONG.” You also know that when someone is causing you stress, they are not caring for you, and are probably just using you until they 'get' someone else. They may be also dating someone else. I believe that you know you'd be better if you ended it. But men don't like conflict. It is hard to be the one to end a relationship if you've been the one tolerating a lot trying to keep it going. You worry about hurting their feelings, about how they'll suddenly get 'concerned' when you break up - and often that behavior is just because they don't want you to stop tending them, not that they regret not caring for you. If you are constantly rubbing someone's feet, they will watch you exhaust yourself doing it and they'll never tell you to stop because they enjoy it. You die rubbing their feet, and they'll walk right past you to the next person to rub their feet.

Many women are just assholes and barely notice that you care or even care. They'll be that way to whoever will let them be that way. They don't love you because you tolerate them, they don't love you at all -they just enjoy you tolerating them. They won't always give you a definite reason, won't answer your questions like 'Do you want to be with me or not?' honestly. You won't get an answer from them - you have to free yourself.  Some women are manipulative, they will find a nice guy and know that he will take good care of them while they wait for a man they feel they must treat well. Women know what they are doing, and if they don't, then why are you dating someone who can't manage her own behavior? Why be with a woman who can't figure out how to properly treat you? And why deal with a woman who doesn't think she has to treat you properly to keep you around? Why isn't she worried that her behavior will hurt you, or that her bad behavior will make you leave her?

 When you worry about your future, worry about the time and effort you are giving for someone who you seem to know doesn't care about you that way. That should be a big worry for you because the ability to protect yourself from such people is a defining factor in your life. Don't end up like one of those men tied to a woman as a wife and mother of their children and they are on a leash that she holds. They give her money, social status, can't find happiness elsewhere - or else they are cheating and running around, and she doesn't care because she is cheating, but they still must give all to her.

Another part of your letter I would like to address is where you wrote: “REALLY DONT WANT HER TO FEEL HURT ABOUT THE BREAK UP BUT I JUST HAVE TO OR WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?” What do you think you should worry about - hurting someone by breaking up with them because they don't care if they hurt you, or should you worry about not letting yourself be hurt. If someone is causing you upset and hurt, they should expect you to go away from them. Mainly, if she doesn't care about upsetting you in a relationship with you, don't expect her tears at your break up to last long. Frankly, if she is upsetting you she doesn't value you, isn't worried that you may get tired of it and leave her, and may well be treating you that way because she is seeing or wants to date someone else.  Just consider that you are so concerned about hurting her that you don't even want to break up with her for hurting you. But is she concerned about her treatment of you? Is she worried about keeping you? You seem very nice. If I can notice that, she has to see it and disregard it. Don't worry about whether you are doing enough for her - as men often think - if I had more money, more social status, a better job, could give her nicer things, had a car to drive her around, and so on - but none of that is what matters. You don't deserve to be stressed just because you are trying to be in love with someone and care for them.

Life is too hard, too much. You will one day face things you must struggle to manage, must worry about dealing with, SHE is not one of them. You can break up politely. You can take time to see her behavior. Instead of driving yourself crazy, speak up and tell her that her behavior towards you is wrong, and ask how she'll fix it. When she disregards you, this will give you more comfort that breaking up is best. Take your time, look clearly at your interaction with her, and if you find you are not treated well, leave her. She'll live. If she believes she couldn't live without you, she'd treat you MUCH better to keep you.

You may miss the 'female' company - but you are male. There are women all over.

CHEERS,

Your friend.

Follow me on Twitter: @victorikeji