WHY BREAK-UP WHEN THERE IS A SOLUTION.

By Victor Ikeji

CASE ONE

You get to meet someone from out of the blue, you both get along well, become friends and then you give out your heart (or pretend to like some). They seem perfect, it is all fun and you are comfortable. Time flies and things change. They stopped being the same person and you stop having butterflies in your tummy and then the stardust in your pocket turn into stones. Also those heavenly hallelujah your heart sings each time you see this person turns into funeral requiems. You start to get tired of the whole thing (or drama as some people call it) but you keep tolerating and hoping that things would get better. After a while, you just can't take it any longer. Sometimes there are outbursts, other times it is just you trying to talk with them calmly. It gets worse and you start to feel that your patience have been tried enough. Then comes the break-up (or someone gets jilted or dumped). You take months or years to heal (or even jump into another relationship right away) and then a break-up and then another relationship and it continues until you start to feel old (or pressurized) and have to settle with one person in that union called marriage, it doesn't just end there as another break-up comes up again only that this time it have a different name- Divorce.

CASE TWO

You meet them probably online or in person (or one of the other places or scenarios in which people meet), you become friends and then move from that to becoming close friends before the intimate relationship resumes( in some cases, it starts on it's own before you'd even notice it). They seem perfect, it is all fun and you are comfortable. Time flies and things change. He/She starts looking like someone else as they seem to have lost that sunshine they brought into the relationship in the first place. You notice the fact that there are changes, you sit them down, you talk over issues and sometimes there are changes and other times, it seems a lesson or two is learnt. You tolerate their excesses and even sacrifice your Ego because you love them, they mean the world to you, you can't imagine a life without them (or one of those other things people in love say to each other). It continues and they seem to come back to their senses (because we humans loose them at times) and then every one of what you have done for them is being reciprocated and then the happiness you felt when you first met them is resurrected. The relationship is tried severally (because those trials would come whether you want them or not) and then you acknowledge them and not let them break you or your partner. Days turns into weeks and weeks into years, then you start dyeing their hair and tending to the Grandchildren when they come visiting till death comes knocking.

The two instances given above is what every one of us face or would face in our relationships. A lot of people are passing through or have passed through the first case only because they couldn't handle the inevitable trials and obstacles that comes with relationships.  The partners in CASE TWO understood that these obstacles are certain and must come, so they devise means to go about them.

Your relationship(s) could be that 'perfect' one which you desire only if  you acknowledge the fact that those problems must be present (if not worse), then look for ways to tackle or how to take care of them.

Cheers!

Follow me on Twitter: @victorikeji

OF ESE WALTER, PASTOR FATOYINBO & OUR SENTIMENTALITY

                      

Scandals in the church is now almost an everyday thing. The media gets hold of the stories and is supposed to bring it to the knowledge of the populace but it is not uncommon for some of these stories to be twisted or blown out of proportion not until proper evidence is shown or brought forth. These scandals in the church had taken different forms from child abuse on the part of Catholic priests, staged miracles in some pentecostal churches, the use of diabolical means to carry out 'God's work' and also supposed Men of God sleeping with members of the church.

The most recent of these scandals is the revelation/accusation/publicity stunt as many have called it by Ese Walters about her abuse/sexcapade/relationship (whichever you choose to believe) with Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of Common Wealth Of Zion Assembly (COZA) Abuja Chapter. You can read the story HERE. I still maintain that this issue shouldn't be judged sentimentally. It could be true or fabricated, we wouldn't know. One thing we shouldn't treat with a wave of hand is that a lot of things go on in some churches which some of the members know of but won't talk or speak about because they have been caged by 'Touch not God's anointed' even when some of the people involved are 'devil's anointed' and also because some of these Pastors/Priests/Men of God are revered and treated as gods. From that story which she shared on her Blog, she seemed bold and sounded like someone that is really hurt and willing to face whatever the outcome of her action is but you would agree with me that some people would do more than that for a handsome pay.(I mean this is Nigeria where people gang-up with friends to facilitate their own kidnapping so as to get ransom from their families). Some people even argued that this might be a case of a rosy relationship gone wrong and one party trying to rubbish the other's name.

Just as people are still debating about the genuineness of Ese's story, One Franca E. also spoke up, not just endorsing Ese's claims but stated how the same Pastor also attempted to commit the act with her. Franca went to the extent of daring the Pastor to refute her claims and see 'American wonder' as she claims to have both photo and recorded evidences. Meanwhile the Sunday after the week which this story sprung was a normal one at COZA, Abuja as Pastor Biodun oversaw the service. Reports from the media was that he commented about the incident saying that he asked God about it and was told not to respond. He further added that a robust reply should be expected in due time. I followed this story and was amazed at people's comment. While some people are commending her(Ese) for speaking-up, others are accusing her of slander and even calling her unprintable names. The pastor is not left out as he is getting some bashing too from some people.

An analysis of that her story and Franca's could be done by anyone and judgement passed but the truth still remains that you can't judge such a case from the statement made by just one party. While we wait for the Pastor to tell his own side of the story(that is if he would) and also for evidences to be provided (because she stated that she have some), I urge us to remove every form of sentimentality and look at this issue objectively.

Victor is a freelance writer, blogger, currently a Biochemistry student and a lover of 'sofia'. He Tweets from @Victorikeji

SOARING HIGHER

By Victor Ikeji

I thought about giving some tips which I felt would be helpful when applied and 'Soaring higher' was conceived. Four principles; Several applications.

TAKE A RISK: Life is all about risks but some people fail to understand this fact. Some of the influential people in the world today knew the importance of risk taking and that is why they are where they are today. What would you say about one dropping out of school just to have enough time to start-up something OR someone investing a whole fortune into something he only perceived to be successful. The above-mentioned illustrations are talking about the Facebook Guy- Mark Zuckerberg and the owner of Honda automobile company- Soichiro Honda. See where this two are today owing to the risks they took. There are a lot of other examples.

TAKE A CHANCE: Opportunities they say comes but once. When it comes knocking, go for it. Many a times people fail to recognize opportunities because they have eyes on the bigger goal. A story was told of an admission seeker who was offered a job as a casual worker in a multinational company, when he was about to be made a staff of the company, he was offered admission. His parents talked to him about the importance of education but he wanted the money. He aspired to be a manager [even without a certificate]. After some years, the company was hit by recession, workers were to be laid and they started with those without credentials. He didn't just loose the job but also the ability to get an education because by then he has a wife (unemployed) and kids. This is just one of several instances.

MAKE A CHANGE: Many run from it, some are afraid of it and others don't want to hear about it but it is still the only constant thing in life. A change of clothes, a change of plans, a change of season, etc most people remain stagnant today because they refuse to embrace change. Doing things a little differently had over the years proven to yield overwhelming results. A story was told about a woman who runs a store dealing in baby products, this lady complains of little sales which are not even enough to pay her staffs and settle her bills. She had been using the traditional sales method for years until someone introduced her to Google Adword which she tried and her sales rose by over 500%. That's the effect of change, if she had settled for those traditional method, who knows she might go out of business after sometime. When you use the same method and notice no results, try doing things a little differently.

BREAKAWAY: In this regard, breaking away entails breaking from the norm i.e. not doing the usual but attempting the extraordinary. It entails distinguishing oneself from the crowd, not succumbing to the ‘Herd mentality’ or maintaining the Status quo. Just because everyone in your family is into buying and selling doesn't mean you must be a businessman or woman. Your managerial skills could be harnessed by getting a University Degree in Management or a related field. That it-has-never-been-done-and-can’t-be-done attitude should be swept off the back door. The problem with some people is that instead of setting goals, they set limits. That extra study time could change a D grade to an A grade, that extra time you spend at the lab when others have left could lead to a groundbreaking discovery, learning that new language or skill that others see as irrelevant could give you that dream job.

So just like a famous songwriter said: Take a risk. Take a chance. Make a change and Breakaway.

Follow me on twitter: @Victorikeji